If you think once your children are grown your troubles are over, think again! The same siblings that fought as children and teenagers may indeed surprise you and learn to get along or they may continue to fight. I had high hopes of growing old and being able to enjoy my daughters getting along, but no such luck! I have three daughters, 34, 28 and 25. While they get along with the oldest, the two younger ones still have problems getting along and often go for months without speaking. They currently are in one of their not speaking moods, this one caused by a couple of factors, one of which was because they could not agree about the 60th birthday party for their dad, an event which has now been changed and doesn't include the youngest daughter.
I have to back up a little bit because the problem with the party is only the last problem--it actually began because the youngest failed to show up for her nephew's birthday party because her husband had broken his shoulder. I think daughter #2 would have accepted this if daughter #3 had not held a party at her house after a show in which her husband's band performed. However, the fact remains that daughter #2 believes daughter #3 should have come without the hubby. The problem also has an additional element in that daughter #3 failed to even call her nephew on the actual day of his birthday three days prior to the party.
One thing to remember here is these two girls--women now--do not think in the same way. First daughter #2 has two children whereas daughter #3 has no children and at the present time still says she doesn't want any. This changes the way she thinks and the level of her priorities. Thus at the present time daughter #2 says she never speak to her sister again because she hurt her son by not showing up for his birthday party. On top of this she insists she wants the kids to have no contact with their aunt because she considers her selfish. I have tried to intercede on several occasions and tried to make #2 daughter understand she can't make her sister do things she is not compelled to do. The younger daughter has no children so therefore doesn't understand the concept of family obligations. I don't even see her on Mother's Day although she does call me. Even though it hurts I try to overlook it--such is not the case with her sister who refuses to make allowances.
Where am I at this point? Daughter #2 just told me she isn't inviting her sister to her daughter's first birthday next month. Now while I expected this she now tells me she changed her mind about letting them go with us when we go to visit her sister. She even went so far as to say if her son hates her she doesn't care--that's the way it is going to be. This is where I have a problem: if she doesn't want to speak to her sister that is her decision, but she is putting the children in the middle. Even if my grandson was upset that she didn't come to his party he loves his aunt. Why should he be denied the right to see her because his mother thinks she can spare him from further hurt? I'm not sure what to think or do at this point, but I am very tired of the fighting. I don't understand why the two of them can't just accept they have different ways of thinking instead of trying to demand the other one do things THEIR way.
All of this is making things uncomfortable because we usually go to the youngest daughter's for Christmas Day because all her in-laws except one are in Baltimore. This now means we will be unable to spend Christmas Day with all the family which I don't feel is fair to their dad and me. Both girls have always been very stubborn and headstrong, but to do this to their parents who are struggling to keep peace in the family is unfair in my opinion. Their dad said when all this came down that he would like to take both of them and stick his foot up their butts, and I tend to agree with him. Shouldn't we have the right to have all the family together and not fighting all the time? I guess that's too much to ask.
